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Mother-son Sorry seems to be the hardest word February 18 was an ordinary Friday. Mum dropped off the 12-year old at school at 7 am. Chong is now taller than mummy. At an age when friends, pokemon and computer games take up all his leisure time, leaving little time to excel in academic studies. He said he had to be a road marshall for the National Police Cadet Corps (NPCC) at Geylang and the bus should be back to school by 6.15 p.m. Mum said she be there for him and he should phone if he would be late. Mum waited from 6.00 to 7.15 pm and there was no sign of him. She went home. There was not even a phone call from him till 8.30 p.m. Was he kidnapped or hurt in an accident? Most of the times he would phone when he would be late. Sometimes he would try to sneak in time to play basketball with his friends or do something like going to Junction 8 shopping mall to trade pokemon cards. Phone calls were made to his NPCC co-ordinators. One was already back at 7 pm. The other had attended an OBA (Old Boys' Association) function and she presumed Chong must be involved. In the morning, he did mention about the OBA and asked whether his parents would like to go. What relevance has the OBA to do with the parents, he could not answer. Parents don't attend OBA functions as they are not old boys. But he agreed to phone if he was going to be late. Mum would be at the school for him. "You could have asked my friends (where I was)" retorted Chong when mum scolded him for being inconsiderate. He had apologised but mum had been persistent in expressing her unhappiness at having to wait over one hour in the school for him. His apology was perceived as insincere. "How do I know who amongst the NPCCs around the school were your friends?" Actually, Chong was already in school at that time. Children nowadays are heard more than they are seen as Singapore's children nowadays are "reasoned" rather than told to shut up. More reasons such as the lack of handphone, the existence of only one coin phone in the school, loss of phone card and the difficulty of getting out of the function were not acceptable. He could have asked permission to phone his mum. Now, this was not the first time he forgot about his parent waiting to pick him up from school. He would go and play basketball after remedial classes rather than going straight home. In Primary Five, he would even disappear to his friend's home even though his father was waiting for him to pick him up to go home. Now, he is in Secondary Two and bad company and drugs are all too common if boys of his age are given freedom to do what they like. Confrontation was not really good but Chong always tried to talk his way out. Mum looked for the cane but somehow it was not available in the storeroom. Actually, the cane was lying amongst the bags outside the door. Mum believes in using reasoning to bring up a good son, rather than use corporal punishment. Dad intervened by asking Chong to shut up. Reasons fly out of the window into the full moon-lit night when your big boy starts to argue back. "Next time you just shut up when Chong talked about the OBA!" said the angry mum. The anger was now directed at Daddy who had earlier asked what relevance the OBA had to do with parents attending the function. Apparently there were invitation cards to parents but Chong said they were not given to him as there was an insufficient number. Many 12-year olds need to be guided as bad influences are great. The school's projects permit them to spend much time after school "doing projects." Many parents do not know that their boys mix with bad company, supposedly doing projects. "How much do you love mummy, Chong? Just a little bit to care about mummy waiting for a long time at school?" What is the meaning of love in the eyes of a 12-year old? An age of transition to an adult. An age when voice should break to that of a man's. Does love mean never having to say you are sorry? Sorry is the hardest word in an Asian family. Can we accept sorry without having to rave and rant at our child? Family Relationships is sponsored by http://www.asiahomes.com Send mail to [] with questions or comments about this
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